If you're like me you hold on to past memories and hurts. My husband told me the other day that I take things that people say and add feelings and meanings into then that just aren't there.
I tend to agree with him. Just because bad things have happened to me in the past doesn't mean that they are still happening in the future. Its hard a lot.
I'm like most people and have been done wrong. However, I hold on to it and take it to heart and it's really tough to let it go.
Maybe its more of a girl, but I know these things affect guys too. I remember a guy I one dated telling me that I'm not the kind of girl you marry. What I think he meant was, you're too good for me and I can never give you what you need lol. My husband would certainly disagree with his former statement. This year will be 7 years and he tells me often that he couldn't imagine being with anyone else.
For years though I held onto that statement and really took it to heart that I'm not good enough. When I look back now, I realize how young I was and how inexperienced I was with life. Holding onto hurts and feelings of abandonment, abuse, pain, and words can break you down inside. Don't let someone else do that to you.
I used to play an online mmo. It overtook my life to say the least. And after years of playing with these people they just cut me out of their lives in a single day. Blocked from facebook, the game etc. I felt anxious and depressed for months and months. It was a real low point and over people that I only knew online! I began to realize that there were two kinds of people in my life - the fair weather friends and the true friends. Most importantly I found my best friend in my husband.
Forgiveness was one of the last things I ever wanted to do for those people. I wanted to subscribe them every free magazine subscription for foot fungus I could find or use their phone numbers for free insurance quotes, but all I could think was "be classy". And I did. I kept my self respect on the outside even though I was broken on the inside.
It was really hard for me to move on, but I was able to do so with a few friends that I did end up letting in. I began to find happiness in things again. I left go of the hatred that has consumed me. I let go of the anger.
A few weeks ago one of the girls that had been in the online game reached out to me because of a post she had seen on a positive website that was promoting happiness. I was able to have a short conversation with her and it didn't make me hurt inside. Although we will never be close, I am glad that we did clear the air.
You don't have to be friends with people
that hurt you and I'm really not sure it's a good idea to jump back into friendships that ended in a painful way, but I encourage everyone to let go of the things that are holding you back. The memories of pain and betrayal. Sometimes it isn't about being the bigger person. Its just about caring for yourself enough to not hold onto things that aren't good for you.
This is one of the biggest ways happiness has happened to me!
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