A lot of times I only focus on the big picture and miss out on the little things in my life. It's easy to do. You look at how tall the grass has grown in your yard and your only thought is, crap I gotta mow. You miss seeing how strong and healthy it has grown and the beautiful green it has become.
I've found that in missing the small stuff it is easier to become discouraged or disenchanted with your life. For months and months I became a person I didn't know, all because of things in my life I couldn't control at that second. When they say patience is a virtue they aren't kidding. I'm often lacking in patience and am more of a "let's fix it right now" kind of person.
In the past two years or so, my husband and I have been trying to buy a home. We started because we had simply outgrown our apartment and were having problems with our landlord that were getting out of control. I began looking at Zillow for houses in our area and found one that I really liked. I had heard an ad on the radio for a mortgage broker and called up the office to see if I could qualify.
When I got the news that I did prequalify I was elated. My husband didn't qualify because of school loans, but I thought it really didn't matter I can do this alone. The house I liked was sold very quickly so I began looking for something else.
We ended up settling for another house. When I say settling, I mean that we both just wanted out of our current situation and were willing to accept the bare minimum.
Through the entire process I felt like all we heard was "no" and "you can't do that". It was the most stressful thing I think I have ever done. Everything felt like it was going against me. And I felt like it was just me. I felt sorry for myself, discouraged with the sitiation, and just generally stressed out. I let my head get away from me, negativity flooded my being and overtook my whole life.
We ended up not going through with the contract and called it a $700 lesson in life. Months after, I realized it was not only a life lesson, but I test of my character. I had failed.
We decided to move in with family for around 7 months so that we could pay down my husbands student loans and try to get him on the mortgage. We are currently under contract to buy our first home together. Things have been so easy this time. We feel like a team. I know I don't have to face this situation alone. I am not the only signature needed.
Even when it's something small, you don't always have to do it alone. You are not the only lonely person in the world. Often times when I feel like my spouse doesn't care and I'm the only one feeling alone, I realize he feels the same about me. It's important to communicate with your friends and family.
For months I was so upset that we had lost the first house and that we were living with family that I felt worthless. I felt like I had hit the bottom of the bucket. Slowly drowning. It was hard to let go of all the things that were holding me back. When I finally realized that it wasn't just my circumstances that were making me feel so bad, but it was the way I handled them. You can't always control everything, but you can control how you react and respond to them.
I began to read positive things, surround myself with positive influences. Even if it took me weeks and weeks to pull myself out, I slowly began climbing to the top. Now as I sit at the edge of the top of the bucket looking out I realize I have two choices. I can fall back down to the bottom, or I can climb out and try to make something better and more positive for myself.
And that's what I have chosen to do!
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